PS I will always love you
by Draugurkeeper
Summary: "Even after I'm long gone I'll always tell you how much I love you." Ville Valo/Bam Margera
1. The Beginning

"Why do we have so many pillows on the damn bed if we threw over half of them off?" Ville snapped throwing pillows all over the floor.

"For the look." Bam mumbled around his toothbrush.

Ville threw a pillow at Bam's head.

"For the look! No one comes in here but us and the maid that comes on Tuesdays." Ville yelled.

Bam shrugged and went back into the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth. Coming back into the bedroom he saw Ville sprawled out on the bed already sound asleep. A smile pressed against his lips at the sight of his lover, but the smile soon faded into sadness as the realization of his situation came back to him. He quietly made his way out of the room and down to his office.

Slipping into his computer chair, he picked up a vanilla envelope that he had gotten in the mail earlier that day and pulled out the papers inside.

He read the papers over and over again. Tears dripped onto the pages as he flipped through them.

Reaching the last page and at the bottom in big bold letters was, '**inoperable lung cancer**'.

Bam laid his head on his desk and broke down in shaking sobs throwing the papers behind him.


	2. I'm Sorry

Ville felt a heavy head rest on his chest and warm tears soak through his shirt. Lefting his hand and twirling silky chocolate brown hair around his fingers, he opened his eyes and looked down at the man he loved.

"Why are you crying, Bam?" He asked softly.

"Because I love you, Ville." Bam sniffed. He sat up, blood shot blue eyes connected with confused and concerned green orbs. "I have always felt and expressed how much I love you, but never really understood why I do. But now I do know why I love you. You're all the man and lover a person like me can ask for. No matter how stupid or big of an asshole I am, you're still there for me. You love me as I am, not for what I have." Bam sat cross legged next to Ville, his head hanging as more tears fell, "Sometimes I think you deserve better than me. Sometimes I know that you do deserve better than me."

"Bam, where is this coming from?" Ville asked sitting up.

"I'm sorry, Ville." Bam sobbed loudly in his hands.

Ville wrapped his arms around Bam, "Sorry for what?"

"I'm dying, Ville."

Ville's entire life froze hearing Bam's words spill out of his lips and into his ears.

"I have inoperable lung cancer. There's nothing they can do for me. It's too far advanced." Bam cried harder, "I didn't want to tell you, I knew it shatter you. But I can't hide it anymore. I'm so sorry."

Ville unwrapped his arms from Bam and moved off the bed. His whole body was shaking with emotions but his face was still frozen in horrified shock, eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"Where are you going?" Bam sniffed.

"For…for a walk." Ville mumbled walking out.

* * *

Ville had taken Bam's illness harder than anyone would have expected. After two years of sobriety, he washed it down the drain for a bottle of cheap Smirnoff vodka.

"Oh, Ville." Bam sighed, taking the empty bottle from Ville's hands. "Two good years down the drain. You have to stop being such a hopeless romantic." he plopped down on the leather sofa next to him.

"How can you be so damn calm?" Ville asked, picking at his jeans.

"I've accepted it, Ville. I know you won't. But for my sake will you at least act like you have too." Bam pleaded, pulling Ville's hand from his jeans and pressing it to his chest over his heart.

Ville looked at Bam, biting back tears. "I'm so afraid of losing you, Bammie." he choked.

"I know, Willa. I'm afraid of leaving you." Bam said, wiping Ville's tears away. "But even after I'm long gone I'll always be here to tell you how much I love you."

"How are you going to do that, Bam? You know damn well that I don't believe in that."

Bam chuckled, "Coming from the man that went to New Orleans to get a blessed chicken foot, believes the tower is haunted and owns a weegie board."

Ville blushed caught, "That's not the same."

"Like Novak doesn't have the clap."

"He does."

Bam raised an eyebrow and Ville narrowed his eyes, "Okay, fine, I do believe. But I don't want to think about you turning into a ghost."

"Why not? I think it be cool. I could walk through walls and go invisible."

"You've watched Casper too much when you were a kid."

"Shut up, no one asked you." Bam growled childishly.

Ville's eyebrows knitted together for a moment before turning Bam's face towards him, "Bam, your nose is bleeding."

Bam wiped his nose with his hand then looked at it, seeing the blood smeared across the top of his hand he got up to get a tissue, but collapsed instead.

"Bam!" Ville yelled rushing to his side.


	3. The Last Kiss

Bam had been in the hospital for nearly week and in that week he had gotten weaker. But Ville never left his side the whole time.

* * *

It was around1:30 in the morning, Bam was in his hospital bed hooked up to machines and Ville was sleeping in a chair next to him.

"Ville." Bam whispered in a dry voice.

"Ville." he called a bit louder when Ville didn't stir.

Ville took a deep breath and turned to Bam. "What? Are you okay?" he asked holding Bam's hand.

"I want to go home." Bam told him. "Tell Dr. Daniels I'm ready to go home."

Ville hesitated, he didn't want Bam to leave the hospital in case something happened and they couldn't get him back fast enough.

"Please, Ville." Bam begged, his eyes looked like those of a lost puppy.

Ville nodded and left the room.

A few moments later, Ville came back with the doctor and a nurse.

"I hear you want to go home, Bam." he looked over a few of the machines.

"Yes, I do." Bam answered. "I'm not getting any better or worse here. So I want to go home."

Dr. Daniels stood still for awhile, before sighing, "Okay, Bam. I'll allow you to go home. But if anything and I mean anything, doesn't seem or feel right I want you back here instantly."

"Well, do." Bam nodded.

With another sigh, the doctor ordered the nurse to take Bam off the machines while he typed up the discharge papers.

* * *

Ville helped Bam into the house and up to their room. Ape, Phil, Jess and the CKY crew filed into the living room and sat down.

"How could he just want to come home like this?" Dunn asked upset.

"He wants to be comfortable." Phil replied.

"Phil! Don't talk like that." Ape snapped starting to cry.

Phil hugged Ape and kissed her. "I'm sorry."

* * *

Bam layed down and Ville pulled off his shoes, socks and pants. He pulled up the computer chair next to the bed and sat down, watching Bam lay in bed with his eyes closed, breathing slowly.

"Ville."

"Yeah, baby."

"Will you hold me?"

Ville choked, but moved out of the chair and layed infront of Bam. Wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close.

"I love you, Ville." Bam whispered. "I'm glad that you came into my life like you did."

Tears escaped Ville's eyes as he soothed his hand through Bam's hair over and over again.

"I love you too, Bam." He whispered back. "You're the greatest thing to happen in my life."

Bam tilted his head back a little and pressed his lips to Ville's. Ville could swear that in that kiss he saw his whole life with Bam flashed by.

Breaking the kiss, Bam nuzzled his head under Ville's chin. Ville resting his chin on top of Bam's head gently and silently crying harder as he felt Bam take his last breath.

"No one will take your place at my side or in my heart for as long as I live." Ville sobbed.

* * *

After just laying in bed for a while longer, still holding Bam, Ville walked back downstairs and into the living room were everyone was still.

He looked all of them over, then started crying all over again. April screamed and everyone else began to cry. Jess got up to comfort Ville, Phil comforted Ape and the others comforted each other.


End file.
